Judging the judge

I promised earlier that I would write something about my observations of society. And so here it goes.

Human beings are incapable of living without each other. In college especially, thousands of miles away from home, we rely very heavily on our friends to get us through not just the rough times but also the good. And when such interactions take place in a mixed-gender environment, sparks will fly and life will turn into one big soap opera...

My closest friends here are similar to me: genetically incapable of crossing lines in social norms without feeling extreme guilt that forces them to stay their hand or at least move forward with extreme caution. Which is why I find it hilarious when they go against their consciences and cross lines which we know should not be crossed. Actually the funny part comes when they attempt damage control and information management.

Who should know and who should not plays a very big role in my friends guilt factors about their respective relationships. Muslim fundamentalists amongst our social circle are usually kept out of the loop. The idea goes that if they don't know, they won't judge us. The problem arises with the fact that they do know, because love is inconcealable and alters the demeanour of the lover and beloved.

The judgement then made is not about a lack of morality but of dishonesty. That is why the fundamentalist feels negatively about romantic relationships. In their fear that they will be judged, they end up judging us before even trusting us with their "secret". Needless to say, it hurts to know that your friends treat you that way. It is true that we do not date out of choice, but we bear no malice nor contempt for those who do. I just wish that non-fundamentalist Muslims and even non-Muslims would understand that.

It is hard for me to say all of this without actually naming names, because I can give no concrete examples. But I will nonetheless endeavour to explain my point through the use of hypothetical scenarios.

Let us suppose that a friend of mine, who has a similar upbringing to mine in the family but no seminary background, were to start dating in college. Now, this friend has put me on a pedestal even before he has gotten to truly know me. Indeed, he has taken to using me as a connection to his religion. Thus he associates many of his moral and religious activities with our friendship and seeks to actively seperate anything which he considers immoral from our interaction. He therefore, fails to tell me anything about his relationship with his significant other and even though he will deny it, is actively seeking to hide this information from me.

Now it must be made clear that it was he who made the judgement about the morality or otherwise of dating, and not me, because he never mentioned it to me and thus I never shared my views with him. He has thus judged my opinions before even knowing them and has already befgun a course of action based upon his assumptions. To borrow from Tupac, he judged me before even knowing me. The paradox is that he does so while accusing me of being judgemental.

It is experience with this kind of attitude that led me to develop the persona of the "cool mullah", the fundo who is comfortable with everything, while partaking in nothing himself. As the old Farsi proverb goes:

Duk duk deedam,

Dum na kasheedam.

(I saw everything, I partook in nothing.)

Perhaps that is why my friends are slightly more honest with me than with my fellow fundos. But more on that honesty later...